Tuesday, December 14, 2010



Long and rambling post ahead.

You may want to stop here and leave.

(This blog began as a way to journal my thoughts and keep a record of our family's lives. One day I'll look back and see the many things God has done. Today's post is one I know I'll read again in a few years and be thankful I have it in writing!)

Go here

and here to get a glimpse of what is heavy on my heart today.

In the past few months

God has been working in my life.

I am fighting him.

I don't want to give in to his discipline.

I don't want to admit that I am wrong.

In this country,

we are rich.

We have everything we need

and so

And it's not enough.

I want more.

For many years I have been convinced that life is all about attaining the most beautiful home filled with lovely and beautiful things.
Giving my children the best of educations while raising them to be perfect little people. (It would be spectacular in the eyes of the world if one of them became a brilliant scientist credited with finding a cure for cancer but died and went to hell without knowing Christ!)

Yeah, I pray, serve, go to church. I do my part. Right??

It doesn't seem to end there.

I seem to never be satisfied.

What will satisfy me completely?

Is Jesus enough?

I often wonder.

Why do I want more stuff?

Is it so I can be comfortable in my large beautiful home all warm and cozy with my perfectly educated children serving only me with all the stuff I have and want?

I turn a blind eye to the starving and cold people that live near me.

That live in my community.

That live in our world.

The children who have no home, no parents, no love.

The people who are dying from starvation and easily curable diseases.

Most importantly,
those who die without know Jesus.

No, I can't save them all.

But I can certainly do more than I do now.

Which is pretty much


My heart is heavy today.

Articulating my thoughts is difficult for I don't really understand what is going on myself.

I do know that I am not supposed to store up treasures on this earth and that where my heart is...
you know the rest.

I do know that if I am a follower of Jesus Christ then I should believe what James says:

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts
as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress
to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I have been ignorant of this for too long.

God is beginning to lift the veil from my eyes.

He is convincing me that the American dream is a myth.

A lie straight from Satan.

Living for Christ is more than just mere reflection of His word and his commandments.(from RADICAL by David Platt)
Isn't there a key component to being a Christian called

I am too comfortable.

Am I really loving God with all my heart,
all my soul
all my might
and all my strength?

Dear Father,
Today I pray that you will continue to create in me a pure heart.
That I will be obedient to your word.
That I will not be a victim of Satan's lies.
I am so thankful that your word is living and active
Sharper than any two edged sword
Piercing to the division of heart and soul
of joint and marrow
Able to discern the intention of the heart!
This is precisely what is happening in my heart.
You are dividing my heart and soul.
It is painful.
Help me be content in you.
Thank you for your love,
your Son
and your word.
In your name I pray,

I am not saying that having things is wrong

or that there is anything inherently wrong with

striving to give your child a great education.

God says that we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works.

I will be known by the fruit I bear and I will give an account one day as will all followers of Christ.

Do I truly believe the greatest commandment?

Struggling to obey today!

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11


  1. Kelli, I struggle with thei each and every day, too. I'll pray for you!
    (formerly Growing Blessings)

  2. I will be praying that you get it all worked out in your heart! I help my family a lot and there are some who REALLY need it! God works in mysterious ways, doesn't he? Love you my friend! Peace, hope, love!

  3. I missed this one Kelli. I'm so glad that I scrolled down my blogger page to see it.

    I know EXACTLY of what you speak. I have struggled mightily with it as well. For me, it all began one day watching a story about people living with not even water to drink. It was actually in the middle of our own unemployment months, and I thought of HOW BLESSED we really were.I began supporting Mission for Life, but I am not satisfied and know there is more that I want and NEED to do.

    You referenced my favorite Bible verse (Eph 2:10) when you said we were created in Christ Jesus to do good works.

    ... which he prepared in advance for us to do...

    I have been trying to find the calling. Know that you are not alone in your struggle.

  4. Kelli,
    You are preparing your children for a time when they will need their faith. Even though it seems mundane it is important.
    School and Bible are all preparation for life. It is our job as moms and you are doing really well! I am proud of you. You never know when and how it will serve them to have faith or to be really good at a subject in school. God's plan may not actually have anything to do with reading and writing and arithmetic for your kids...or it may be crucial. For one of ours all he can do now is read. I see in hindsight that all the books we read and times we spent teaching reading have given him a gift when he needs it most. He loves to read and boy are we thankful for that. He can escape in his mind to fantastic faraway places. And what does he choose to read? A Boys Devotional story book. I do not understand God's plans but sometimes little pieces fit together in ways we would never have anticipated. Keep on doing what you are doing. Do the right thing. Do what God commands and your path will be made straight. You are a great mom. Hang in there!

  5. Everyone above (including you) has said everything I would have. . .